There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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