Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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