I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
