I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
