yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
