im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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