so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
