Already got asked if we're dating
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
