She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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