How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
