I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
