he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
