i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
