Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
