I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
