Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
