as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
