I wish I could punch you in the face.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
