It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
