We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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