Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
