You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
