i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
