i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
