I think I am morally bankrupt
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
