My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
