This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
