i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
