I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
