her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
