I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
