covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You smell like stripper and shame
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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