You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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