Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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