I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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