That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
