im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize