I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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