so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
