No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
