No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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