Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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