If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
