We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
