it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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