I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
