i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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