1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
