I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
