all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
