Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
