google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
