smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
